During my high school years and early twenties I was horrified by the idea of being married or in a marriage like relationship. I just couldn’t imagine someone, let alone a man, placing any kind of restrictions on my free will, adventurous spirit and myriad of ever changing desires and preferences. I was fiercely independent and I liked it that way! I tell myself now that I have a much more mature perspective of what it means to be in relationship, at the same time, that idea of freedom and independence or sovereignty has remained centrally important to me. So how does one create a harmonious blend of freedom and security within a committed relationship? How does one allow space for growth and change overtime? How does one evolve a relationship; bending, forming, dissolving and reforming, without throwing the baby out with the bath water?!
My number one weapon of choice (considered choice of worlds, it can be a battleground out there!) is to encourage each other to follow their passions, their true passions. The thing that makes your heart sing and your eyes sparkle. The thing that gets you out of bed in the morning, your why. Seeing my partner come alive when he is inspired by something, makes me feel alive. His sparkle lights the house, likewise his gloom dims the house. I would argue this is even more powerful in women. Our glow and illumination touches the hearts of men and children, our darkness is palpable, isolating and sometimes damnright scary. Encouraging the other to follow their passions requires growth from both parties.
Growth is rarely smooth and easy. Think of the teenage years, menopause, the arrival or departure of family members. It persistently demands your attention, your trust, creativity, patience and understanding. Then when you have nothing left, it demands more. There might be some pruning needed before the new shoots start to emerge, and a high intensity growth period calling on all your energy stores and nutrients before any fruit is even harvested. There can be times of beauty and times of ugliness. When we grow we take up more space, or at least we take up different space. Old strategies might be failing us, ingrained patterns of behaviour are not working either. We don’t necessarily understand what is happening or where we are headed but it is not very comfortable either way. We have no map, no compass and our phone battery is dead so the GPS is not working either. We are charting new territory like a complete amateur! Probably starting to feel cranky too!
I take some comfort in the cycles of growth when I look to the natural world. Spring follows the winter and autumn follows the summer. The moon waxes and wanes. The tides are high and low. Day turns into night and into day again. The earth spins and she freezes and melts, becomes dry and splits before soaking in the rains again and erupting in green. Year round she sustains us through all the change. Woman too is inherently linked to earthly cyclical rhythms through menstruation and her moon centres. When we slow down and listen, we can begin to hear the wisdom of the earth. How to change with the seasons, how to move with the rhythms of the cycles.
Our relationships too have a cyclical energy and push/pull motion as the polarities of masculine and feminine are at play, creating both magic and chaos. We become close, we pull away, we inspire each other, we annoy each other, we are on the same page and then living with a complete alien. We want freedom and security, comfort and support. Sometimes we just want to throw in the towel and become a nun! In the teachings of kundalini yoga we learn that men and women are not the same, not equal, yet they are perfect polarities and compliment each other when freedom is given to live to their true essences and their needs as men and women are met.
We will be exploring this topic, the play of the masculine and feminine and looking at our relationship needs in our upcoming course The Sacred Feminine Art of Sex & Relationships starting October 16th. Bookings are available here or please come to our free class on October 9th to find out more.
Always in love,